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The Movie Report: Nosferatude

September 7, 2025September 8, 2025 escapatoria

I went 5 weeks with slow, spotty internet, one of which I was relying purely on phone data that officially ran out after two days of use so I was stuck on circa-2005 era snail slow data speeds where images and most websites wouldn’t load at all. While largely a miserable time for doing anything normal and putting a literal event to the feeling of disconnection from the world to a high degree of clarity I apparently needed, I was able to set aside the trouble as temporary and spend more time watching movies I’ve largely missed. Naturally, I focused on horror.

I originally wrote mini-reviews aiming for under 300 characters (…and failed many times), but things took a turn when I was inspired by Nosferatu. These are more or less in order, but I’ve left that for the end. Otherwise, I’m partially copy-pasting my original words, partially editing to make them more readable.

Bring Her Back
Eh. I don’t like family trauma movies very often and that was the core theme of this movie. There’s supernatural horror and gore in this but it felt more like slogging through emotional mud. People who evidently don’t like straightforward horror seemed to like this so maybe I’m picky.

The Occupant
I knew the pretty poster was going to be Color Out of Space lies. There was a tiny bit of sci-fi horror but the core of the movie was about addressing grief via one’s own survival. It’s a 5 on IMDB right now and that’s very fair.

Bridget Jones Mad About The Boy
This was my third movie in a row about grief. I would like to watch zero movies about grief. Otherwise, it was an easy watch, simple story, cute but not gross. There would have been pie-related violence if that prick had ghosted me because he boohoo caught fweewings.

The Ugly Stepsister
A horrific adult retelling of Cinderella. Fanciful, beautiful, and fantastical scenes intermixed with raw, off-putting, disgusting shit. Feels like it could be a triple feature between Marie Antoinette and The Substance. Ironically, the lead is quite pretty. This was one of the better, more interesting movies I’ve seen in recent history.

Phase IV
Thought I’d knock off a really old watchlist movie.
The amount of times I was attacked by red ants for merely sitting outside as a kid tells me that this is a fine documentary.
Many super slow, photography-rich scenes. Overall not bad, not great. Could have been better as a short/short story.

Repulsion
I likely have seen this before, but I hadn’t marked it as watched so I would have seen it at least 15 years ago. Details were gone, in any case.

If it weren’t for the horror element and the probable “man interprets women as frigid, fragile things in which to conquer” guilty conscious on display issue coming from the director, this was closing in on some asexual representation.

60 years later, this could have been snappier and I was getting bored by the end, but I liked the symbolism of the beauty salon, the rabbit, the nuns. Weird how little changes despite all.

Scanners
The opening mall scene reminded me of how sterile common spaces have become. Bring back warm colors & neon to the design world, please. Otherwise, I watched this movie while experimenting with a new tarot technique, so my original “review” is full of spoilers. All in all, the movie wasn’t quite what I expected, but it was plenty interesting.

Prince of Darkness
Through 2025 eyes, this one was not what it likely would have been in 1987. 80s/90s me would have liked this movie more.

The beginning is a bit of a drag and made me hate the leads but some of the stupid one-liners and visual gags made the movie. I particularly liked the compact mirror scene. (Same, girl.) Also enjoyed the thousand candles, spotlights, and still somehow the guy was conveniently walking around with a flashlight. How many god damn lights do you need? And why all these lights and equipment yet not a single security camera? Did no one think to film the evil lava lamp? I guess that’s what you get for recruiting 40 year old college students for shit.

Maybe a coincidence, but I noticed “homosexual panic rash” boy was named Walter, which is the name of the guy who owns (get this) Walter Chang’s Market in Tremors, who is the professor in this movie.

Also a fun (backwards) reference to They Live with “I live!” as well as the alien talk.

The Stuff
Lovably stupid & very 80s.

It was a trip to see real products & design aesthetics of the time in the background of shots. When did that go away? How’d I miss it? Is novelty-chasing and catering to the youth core to the human experience so much so that the old just disappears one day in favor of next new big things? I think of the concept of kipple but cultural waves of poverty & minimalism between the blind consumerism take care of unloved things and newly perceived, once-trendy trash.

Ironically, with as absurdly written the movie is, the essence of the plot could be reworked and modernized.

I should point out that a lot of what I saw as “80s” was meant to be consumed. Even the more static and enduring things – neon signs, wood paneling – are meant to eventually become future trash. Nothing lasts forever. Maybe that’s what much of human choices are about.

Anyway, I’m perhaps overthinking this movie, but it’s on brand, for both me and the movie.

Bride of Frankenstein
Men will do anything except go to therapy. I want to know what women of 1935 thought of this, especially those of the feminist variety. (I ended up trying to look it up but got paywalled. BOO.)

Crazy goth vibes without the punk influences that came from goth aesthetic in/after the 70s. It’s probably best I didn’t see this as a kid, already being pretty inclined to darkly things.

I cried at the friend scene.

FIRE BAD.

The Blackwell Ghost
And here comes The Blackwell Ghost. I watched all 8 movies. In a row.

10/10 found footage horror I somehow missed last decade. Creepy and effective despite its flaws. It’s only an hour long, which is great for the attention span I’ve lost since 2017. Just might watch the sequels now. Holding out for sentient trees. (Read: low budget found footage series joke.)

The Blackwell Ghost 2
Not as good as the first, as it’s mainly a continuation of the first and the new stuff isn’t followed up on beyond “well, that happened”, and it’s more obviously a faux doc. These don’t have a lot of shaky cam but what’s there got me feeling sick in a hurry, so, fair warning.

The Blackwell Ghost 3
How is he this old but he doesn’t know about *69? Those commercials were relentless when we were kids.

New location, new creepy vibes, but hits the same beats as the previous two movies.

Five (going on six) sequels to go. Dare I continue?

The Blackwell Ghost 4
Still doesn’t know about *69. Continued with the new place and it seems to be more enduring. This installment was more effectively creepy than the previous one and didn’t hit exactly the same beats. This guy lucked out creating an already-solo franchise like this before 2020 (the next movies).

The Blackwell Ghost 5
Some solid movement forward on the second property story but, of course, a cliffhanger. I’m glad these things are only about an hour since there’s a lot of repetitive waiting for him to figure out things that aren’t that complicated.

Three more to go and I’m caught up.

The Blackwell Ghost 6
Shark fully jumped.

We’re at a new familiar location: his house. Still hadn’t dialed *69 but perhaps we know the answer of what would have happened if he’d done so. No mention of Covid-19 even with hospital talk so it feels like a separate dimension. With how bored and irritated his wife was in the previous movies, the plot of this one feels incongruent. Given the houses, daycare, travel, etc: All that movie money must be nice.

Almost caught up. 🦈

The Blackwell Ghost 7
We’ve switched subgenres. Concentration has returned to the 2nd home story, now with a twist somewhere between Saw and The Riddler. The creepy factor has been replaced with tedium. Wtf happened to the teeth…?

One hour left.

The Blackwell Ghost 8
Remember when this franchise was about ghosts? That was pretty awesome.

I knew going into this series that it wouldn’t be the cream of the crop but after the last 2 movies the cliffhangers and tedium have worn thin. Maybe when 9 comes out I won’t care anymore & watch it anyway.

For found footage it kept me hooked until the lack of believability started to take the reigns, so if you like found footage you’ll like this, if only until the genre switches gears to true crime with bonus sad ghost.

I don’t think I’ve seen horror set in Florida before so that was something new.

Cemetery Man
Absurd horror-comedy about the title dumbass having a rough time because the dead are coming back but he just wants love. Seeing this as an older teen might have been fun but it’s a step beyond what I should have been watching in 1994 because of the sexual content. The Grim Reaper figure in this was neato.

Dracula
It’s hard not to think of the recent Nosferatu while watching this 30s classic. It’s also hard not to think about how little humanity has changed in 94 years despite huge leaps in technology.

I’m not sure how I missed this beyond lack of zeitgeist relevance, but it has now been Watched™✓.

Might just have to watch the original Nosferatu now and compare the three. I think it might qualify as the oldest movie I’ve ever seen, once I do so.

That said, I’m jonesing for Fright Night now. Sexy vampire gonna steal yr girl.

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari
Came across like listening to an 8 year old tell a story someone else told them. No way dude rly? Gosh. I can’t ~believe~ that happened.
Slow. I skimmed. No gods no masters. Just because something is considered a highly-rated classic doesn’t mean it’s everyone’s taste.
Literally said “what the hell” at the ending.
The set dec was 10/10.

Oh, and this is now the oldest movie I’ve skimmed through. The former oldest movie I’ve ever seen, Metropolis, was way better.

Heart Eyes
Today’s medicine.

“best in Seattle” *palm trees in background* *filmed in NZ* …k.

Had post-Scream 90s vibes and felt like a Hallmark romance parody tied with maybe Scream 2..?

Not great but easy and digestible.

The Life of Chuck
I had a rough day battling summer and the lack of proper working internet, so I took a break from horror. Oddly this began much like my day was going. If I made the universe be what it was today, I am a masochist. Sorry, guys. Nice to see kitchen dancin’ in film.

The Hitcher ’86
Do you like Duel but need to see the evil truck driver and have a hard-on for Californian desert scenery? Have I got the film for you. Bonus youthful familiar faces.

Took me back in time to where I grew up. Hey look, more hot dirt!

Curse of the Demon
The more older movies I see, the more I’m reminded of how recycled human stories are. Perhaps in 1957 this was interesting, but I was struggling to remain engaged. Stiff acting. Didn’t care for the “benevolent” sexism. This era of film may not be for me right now. Will try again later.

Grave Encounters
Irritating protagonists get trapped in a haunted building. Much motion sickness to be had. I paused or stopped the movie to recover so many times I just didn’t care anymore. It was similar to Hell House and As Above, So Below (read: two found footage movies I hated). I should watch Gonjiam: Haunted Asylum already.

Eddington
Fine lines everywhere. Made me think of the Primus song “Conspiranoia”. The core plot has Taxi Driver vibes. Some pretty anxious and tense moments and being reminded of that specific time sucks, even if it lives with us still. The Geronimo thing made me lol, at least.

Nosferatu 1922
First, my review: this movie, despite its age, was excellent. The 2024 movie was a modernized step up (particularly in removing focus from the long boat scenes and giving space for now-modern inclination for movie stars), and seeing that movie first probably helped stay on track with the original, but I would have been fine seeing the original first.

But I was distracted when I saw the letter Count Orlok sent to the real estate agent… and proceed jokes.

Wingdings is the language of death.

Getting real sick of these cryptic doordash instructions.

Grown man trying to read his wife’s grocery list. [Bitch we can’t afford a house!]

I pulled up our zodiac charts and it said we were compatible, Jeff. Just look. See? My house in Envelope trines your Scorpio.

Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring, RUNE-A-PHONE!

Hi, this is Rite Aid pharmacist Emma Johnson. I’m just looking at the prescription order slip you sent over for Mr. Orlok. I’m not sure if there’s a mistake here or if you actually mean you want him to take 3 scythes and 1 house every hour, because that doesn’t sound safe..? Oh, just 1? Alright!

He glanced at the slip of paper he found on his Tinder date’s nightstand. There, to his horror, he learned that not only had she revealed herself to be a horse girl during their earlier coffee date, she was also an astrology girl. This would not do. He began to call an Uber.

High school math was just too difficult for poor, sad 17 year old former child prodigy Lillian. The big red “F” and “SEE ME AFTER CLASS” doodled over her attempt at trigonometry told her she was definitely not getting into her first choice school now.

Being able to read personalities from handwriting alone could sometimes be a gift, but looking at his elaborate letter signatures, she could tell this Orlok guy was a real twat.

After that “wingdings is the language of death” got stuck in mind, so I made it a shirt. Enjoy.

More crazy movie reviews to come, I’m sure. It’s actually horror movie season now!

That time I bought a book in Kmart

August 20, 2025 escapatoria

3 Christopher Pike books: The Midnight Club, Monster, Spellbound

According to the internet, The Last Vampire came out in 1994 about a month before I turned 12. Whether I was 11 or 12 in this story, the facts are the same.

I was staying with family when the guy in charge decided we girls needed a babysitter for the day. I hadn’t required a babysitter since I was 6 or 7 and I was thoroughly a latchkey kid by 10, and my approximately 9 year old niece wasn’t much different, so we girls probably would have been just fine without one. But adult rules meant we ended up at an older lady’s house – a friend of my family’s, who had babysat for them before, who I generally knew but hadn’t spent an entire day with before.

The babysitter’s apartment was sterile and she gave off a similar old, uptight stuffiness. For a kid, it was a miserable experience going to her place. I didn’t understand the agreeableness that my family had towards her. She didn’t play, she barely talked to us, there was nothing to do, and it was too quiet. Normally when I was stuck someplace I didn’t want to be I read their books, watched their movies, went outside and wandered, found some other kids to hang out with, but there was none of that.

On this glorious day she said we were going to Kmart. A break from the monotony! Yes! Kmart was not really top choice, but I’d take it. Apparently the main purpose of the Kmart trip was for her to have a look at the sewing aisle, which I didn’t much mind because it reminded me of making knotted bracelets with my best friend.

On the way to the sewing aisle, we passed by books on display. My eyes caught a cover and I stopped. It was The Last Vampire by Christopher Pike.

By this age I was insane about horror. I’d read some young horror novels but horror movies were my go-to thing. I lived next door to a small video rental place and would specifically head straight to horror every time my mom and I went, and most times I left with something to watch over the weekend. My mom liked horror but she liked everything, and she rarely said anything about me increasingly excited about specifically horror. I’d been watching Nightmare on Elm Street movies and more relevant things like Fright Night and Once Bitten for a while already. I was never told no or that I was too young. In fact, by 1995, I had a horror book club subscription that she bought me. Me seeing The Last Vampire and going “oh??” was a neutral act as far as I could tell.

But my mom wasn’t there. It was just me, my niece, and the babysitter walking away to look at yarn or needles or something. I picked up the book. I was very intrigued. My niece, lingering nearby, didn’t read and didn’t give a shit. I looked at the price tag. It was less than I’d walked in the store with. Theoretically I should spend my money on food, if necessary, but I didn’t see myself coming back to this store anytime soon. I lived in a completely different neighborhood many miles away. I should definitely buy the book now.

I knew how it was with babysitters rather than my mom, so I walked the book over to the sewing aisle. Can I buy a book? She seemed very annoyed that I would dare speak to her and said no. She didn’t look at the book, barely seemed to care that I was there, and generally gave “fuck off” vibes. I started to mosey back to the books but decided for her that she was wrong and I would, in fact, be buying that book. I was old enough. If I had fucked up and accidentally bought porn (in Kmart? The gray hair store? Unlikely!), my mom would tell me later.

As our babysitter walked into a checkout lane, I walked into the adjacent empty one and quickly purchased my book. We left the checkout lanes together, her largely unaware until just after we left the area and I still had the book in hand and my niece’s expression of shock at my gall grabbed the babysitter’s attention. If the babysitter said anything definitive, it was essentially an informative “your parents are going to hear about this” kind of statement, which I’m sure I shrugged at. None of the adults in my everyday life cared about what I read or watched.

But it was simply called The Last Vampire and the cover wasn’t acceptably pastel or pink, and I could feel the hardcore judgment permeate the car on the short ride to get to a restaurant stop for lunch. It was even worse in the restaurant. This lady was not only mad at me for being a young girl into reading but that I was reading potential horror smut. Young girls don’t do that. At all. Ever. I was supposed to be at home in a dark closet dressed to the stuffy conservative nines darning socks for my future husband or standing before the stove learning how to baste a turkey so my 47 children to be arriving shortly by osmosis (no sex allowed) don’t starve, duh. Reading is for recipes and the bible only. Beyond that, my only goal in life was supposed to be obedience, and I had clearly fucked up there.

The waitress came to our table. I wasn’t hungry for anything the restaurant had but decided to order something that I thought was simple – a grilled cheese sandwich. While we waited, I got mood from across the table. Eventually the food arrived and what was placed before me was not a grilled cheese sandwich. I was so confused. Did my tablemates get my order instead? No. Oh. Wtf. The sandwich in front of me had meat in it, and I didn’t much like meat. I looked at it and I just couldn’t. The babysitter had words about this. I was told, in anger, that I should just tell the waitress to replace it. You can do that?? The waitress came back and I got my new food order in. By then my anxiety was high and my appetite was gone. I felt like everyone was mad at me now. My intended plate arrived but there was something else wrong, like maybe it had a pickle that I didn’t expect, but I tried to eat it and it just wasn’t working out. I was picking instead of happily consuming the way I was “supposed” to be. The babysitter was absolutely fuming by now. We left the restaurant and I felt like I’d soon be marked on a hit list. Kids who make questionable decisions for themselves without permission then dare to also have opinions AND feelings: me, marked for death – the babysitter.

Of course my family heard about the situation, and of course they privately shrugged at the event despite oh-that’s-so-unfortunate to the babysitter’s irritated face. Kid me was not a fan of presumed authority figures pretending they actually had authority, and everyone who was around me long enough knew it. Me doing something against what an adult told me to do?! Holy shit, no way! Gosh! Oh well. Kid, can you please at least fake it for a few hours among strangers? Me: not when that stranger’s a fucking bitch.

It took me a while to actually get around to reading The Last Vampire because of that day. I may have been closer to 14 once I did, and by then it was exactly where I was in terms of reading and content levels. I don’t remember the exact story but I remember any expectation of possible vampyric smuttiness was dashed by the reality that you get strung along by irrelevant details. Maybe the average religion-informed 12 year old should not have been reading it because of Ideas™️ but I would have been fine.

Yesterday I went into a thrift store for no specific reason but air conditioning and already-in-the-neighborhood time-wasting. There, among the poorly organized fiction novels with darker covers, I found three Christopher Pike books. None had been properly labeled for sale, so I have to assume they were placed there just for me. An additional clue was, just below them, some needy jackass had misplaced a title from the opposite aisle and situated it cover-first in the scary dark-cover book section: The Book of Mormon. I heard you weren’t married and were walking around this earth without children – don’t you dare touch that horror book, you adult with autonomy and opinions! The Holy Ghost is looking! (I know. 😘🥵👻🫵🍆👌💦😇🪽) Alas. You know what I did. I bought all three. I hope my one-time babysitter turned in her grave.

I hear The Midnight Club was adapted by Mike Flanagan (Midnight Mass, The Haunting of Hill House) a few years ago, but I haven’t seen it yet, so perhaps I should read it then watch the show. Yikes, IMDB has it as a 6.5. That’s bad for a TV show. Oh well, I can still read the book now, at least.

The Movie Report: Lucid Movie Reviews?

July 31, 2025July 31, 2025 escapatoria

I’ve been making a point to write mini-reviews or notes for most new movies I see within a day or so of watching them this year, so most of these were written fresh, and I’ve edited and added to them for readability. There’s going to be some lucidity here! And capital letters! Holy shit!

babygirl
Whoever scored this movie made my Le Tigre-loving day. Then I made the mistake of looking at reviews. Maybe it’s all AI lies but it really feels like the world got extra stupid somewhere along the way. Maybe it’s selective memory and a bit of isolation – people were prudish and superficial 20, 30 years ago, too. And people were inclined to inject opinion in things that just weren’t for them always. Synopsis: unhappy marriage leads to cheating + kink, but woman as main character in a story centered around sex led to misogyny online. Men are so delicate.

the gorge
If you like Silent Hill, Resident Evil, Annihilation type movies, The Gorge is up your alley. IMDB’s current rating of 6.7 is fair. I liked those prior-work actor references in the movie, too. Synopsis: wtf is them woods yo.

companion
A version of this story gets retold every few years. Humans and/or men are trash, et al, and the AI device is led into crisis leading towards autonomy. I may have watched too much Star Trek for this one. (non sequitur shiny black monolith goes here) That said, the horror crowd who does not normally partake in sci-fi, or those in their 20s newer to either, will probably enjoy it more.

flow
My original review: “1) crying, 2) Blender, 3) religious propaganda, 4) EE-VEN FLOWWWwWH.” I had Pearl Jam stuck in my head surrounding my watch of this movie. I generally recommend this to anyone because it’s quite an emotional journey following a cat after a flood, and it can be taken at surface value, but hardcore atheists are going to squint at it.

the brutalist
I generally think artistic experiences are ultimately worth the doing but meh. It was a just-okay bummer movie that went on too long and had a flat ending. I watched it primarily for award season, and it’s easy to be skeptical about what that crowd finds quality.

paprika
It seems I have issues paying attention to movies that involve multiple layers of reality. I understand what’s going on but my attention span just doesn’t give a shit and won’t let me stay engaged. Nearly 20 years out from this movie’s release, oh well, whatever, can’t win ’em all. One more highly-rated movie down.

presence
An after-school special disguised as a ghost story. Decent, relatively novel, but not the horror some would expect. People with motion sickness take caution. Apparently I’m old now and found the whole care bear dad schtick hot. More reasonable, emotionally intelligent men in film pls k thx. (Side-thought, I spent a good portion of the movie thinking I should paint my dresser because the girl’s dresser was cool. Probably I should not do this.)

love me
AI playing The Sims. This is an unusual movie and you’re going to have Feelings™ watching it. I can see a technically-minded sci-fi person or a detached cynical teenager hating it, but it works as an existential romance. Fuck the mid scores, it’s a 7.

gladiator 2
It existed.

kingdom of the planet of the apes
Long, like its title. Seemed foundational like the first episode of a TV series. Good ASL and pretty. Timed well with present-day politics.

love 2015
I did not write a review for this one after watching it. What do I even say? Feels pretty gross that one would knowingly involve a teenager into one’s threesome antics. There was more to this movie than that, but, like… ?! How do movies like this get well-rated but horror doesn’t? The trans sex scene also reminded me that ten years have passed since 2015. In the last few days I’ve seen a lot of news about censorship to prevent kids from seeing porn (NO! NOT THAT!) and I just want to say that I would like to see more sex scenes in movies for me to get annoyed at. Please take more chances in art, world. Stop censoring and age-gating shit. Little kids shouldn’t be on the internet anyway and teenagers are going to learn one way or another and better they have the resources to ask questions than to be hearing lies and idiocy from their friends & family. And yes, I’m quite aware that censorship’s main goal is controlling everyone and not just children.

mickey 17
I expected a sci-fi drama and got something closer to a comedy. I think if I’d gone into this blind I’d have liked it more. I obviously haven’t read its source material. It was interesting but I was really wanting for a two hour hope nap.

drop
While modern, this movie had a tone that reminded me of seeing random movies as a teen because there was nothing better to do, and, by result, ending up with a “well, that happened” sort of experience that didn’t matter later. It was fine. The leads were pretty. I mostly got through a headache. *shrug* Synopsis: dinner date goes awry because asshole helms technology.

the woman in the yard
You know the TV show The Haunting of Hill House? The basic plot was kind of like that except aggravatingly slow.

sinners
Held up to the hype well. Original review: “The long music scene was pretty cool. It used familiar horror tropes well. Nice to see some film grain. Thick accents and a brain fart I had means I’ll probably need to see it twice, which is fine.”

fear street prom queen
If I’ve read the book, I’ve forgotten it entirely. Target audience: bored 13 year olds who hate their peers and like horror but aren’t certain about it yet. Failed at: lesbian gaze, nostalgia porn, depth. There’s a place for simple horror, so, it was watchable. I was reminded that I didn’t watch the first three Fear Street movies. I started to watch one but it was bad timing with Life™ and I didn’t return. Perhaps it’s time to go back and do that.

the assessment
Synopsis: A couple wants to create a family in an apocalyptic future but has to approve it with the board first, but the board is fucking weird. All in all, a decent sci-fi in the realm of human condition exploration. The acting was uncomfortably good as well. A fun reminder of why kids are not for me.

salem’s lot
Well, that’s the first time I’ve fallen asleep watching a movie in quite a long time. The pieces were greater than the whole. It lacked impact and depth, and the villains felt like Disney characters. There’s a place for simplicity but, eh, with existing works?

until dawn
Happy Death Day meets Cabin In The Woods. Middle-of-the-road for horror but entertaining. The dialogue & acting was odd and the first ~20 mins almost made me quit. Noticed the Hellraiser II “help me” reference, so that was fun. Also enjoyed the can-meets-head THUNK.

the crow
Even perceived as a standalone, this was not a good movie. Maybe there were elements in there of something good but it was, as they say, mid at best. I’m not sure what the point of making it was.

die hard
I tried to watch Die Hard years ago and didn’t finish it for reasons I no longer remember, but I do remember not being that interested in it and being confused about its draw. On return, I still don’t understand how this movie is so ubiquitously popular. I’ve been thinking a lot this past year or so about certain types of men who visualize themselves to be unique heroes, very Root For Team Jeff (or my old review joke, Hero Bob), but everyone is Jeff, so that might be exactly what the draw of this is. And the beyond-mediocre ratings are certainly a result of men over-valuing their own stories and being louder online in places like IMDB. I just had a giggle at the idea of this movie catalyzing someone’s feminism.

christine
Somehow I’ve never seen this before now, and it’s a shame, because it’s one of the better movies I’ve seen in recent history. The music really enhanced everything, including the dark humor. The gas station scene was excellent. With the low-to-no gore kills, I got to thinking that this movie drove so Nightmare on Elm Street’s disgusting torture scenes could walk (not really, but they do feel like opposite ends of the horror movies that came out in the early 80s spectrum). The take on toxic masculinity makes me wonder if that’s a broad theme that I missed for the diversity of output from Stephen King. Wonder what a modern take on the concept would look like or if we’re past bullying nerds. ha ha, nope.

heat
I guess I missed this when it came out. All the same, I don’t think 13 year old me would have cared. For modern day, it reminded me of a more terrestrial criminal-cop version of The Dark Knight. Weird how much the world has changed in 30 years.

the house 2022
Well, this was fucking weird. Three stories connected by a house. They all felt like insane nightmares and had Kafka vibes. The middle story featured bugs, which I was relating to because I’ve been trying to save my plants from being eaten by bugs lately. A day later I went to tackle that situation and while I was shuffling things around at some distance from my plants I found one of the bugs in this movie. I’ve never had said bug in my adult living situation and I was transported to little kid me coming home with my parents, turning on the kitchen light, and watching all the roaches scatter under the fridge. It was a brief problem but the fact that I remember it is enough to tell me that this is a situation that can get out of control quickly. My place is pretty clean and I was treating my plants for harmless-to-me bugs anyway, but I don’t know my neighbors’ situations, so I’m worried this is going to become a thing. Took me right back to the movie. Am I going to come home one of these days to a family of humanoid roach creatures eating everything? Perhaps.

strange magic
I guess I’m digging all the way to the bottom now. Simple, easy story good for older kids and uncynical types. The hair was very Can I Speak To The Manager and the music was icky. Outdated but I’m not even sure it was trying for 2015.

wolf man
Super thin plot. Familiar to a lot of 2000s-era dull horror centered on generational trauma. Some of the visually-told split perspective ideas could have been interesting in a different movie. The actors deserved better. Time passed, checks marked, list item deleted, alright what’s next.

the rule of jenny pen
Very “thanks, I hate it.” Almost a documentary from my experience working in/around aging care. Only thing missing is an old guy yelling about his time in the service, though it’s maybe obviously missing from this because it takes place in New Zealand (hold up, is the “my time in ‘nam” stereotype about to leave the realm of old folks homes? Or will it just be replaced by something-something Kuwait, Iraq?). Lacks the supernatural edge of tr00 horror but nevertheless horrific from the main character’s perspective.

28 years later
Lots of naked zombies in this. This wasn’t the most linear story to follow Days & Weeks, but it still added up to a fair zombie movie with decently fleshed out characters and the gross (or, metal lingo, ~brutal~) scenes one would expect. Nice switcheroo reference to Dawn of the Dead with the pregnancy thing. JIMMAY!

We’re closing in on a new season of horror movies, so I imagine the next movie review post will be full of that. That said, I won a movie theater voucher recently, so just maybe I’ll spice shit up here and report on something right after it comes out. Shock!

solar return time anew

June 1, 2025 escapatoria

Since it’s about that time, I thought I’d type about my Solar Returns for the last two decades. This is for x year from June until June of the next year. I haven’t included every aspect to the Sun or Ascendant ruler but these are the big ones.

Further, I tried to keep it under 300 characters for each description before realizing this was going to be too long to post on Bluesky, but the essential brevity stayed. I could definitely type more and get into the weeds, but at this scope, brevity works best.

FYI: I have a Libra Ascendant, 9th house Sun natally.

1994: Virgo Ascendant (Mercury in 11th), Sun in 10th square Saturn
A fair place to start – 30 full solar return years ago. Here, I started middle school but moved halfway into the year because of a divorce in progress in my family. Pluto is conjunct the IC in this chart. Whatever new independence that might have come about for a 10th house year was likely dampened since I was 12.

1995: Scorpio Ascendant (Mars in 10th), Sun in 8th conjunct Mercury/opposite Jupiter
Crappy year. Felt worthless, suicidal, neglected, and ignored in vital ways while bullied or scapegoated for everything else. Basically just tried to keep my head down but people are awful anyway. It was also a creative year – I was writing.

1996: Capricorn Ascendant (Saturn in 2nd), Sun in 5th opposite Moon
Moved, started high school. Still creative. Realized my typical friend choices no longer applied anymore and sought new people to hang out with. Felt like I could breathe at home for the first time in years.

1997: Gemini Ascendant (Mercury in 12th), Sun in 12th conjunct Ascendant
Pretty good, stable, nice year for the most part making the most of being a dumbass teenager without commitments or the strongest sense of self. Some brief dramatics from folks trying to tell me how to live (no).

1998: Leo Ascendant, Sun in 10th conjunct Mars, Sun opposite Pluto, Sun square Moon
Expressed human independence & autonomy of self and the control freaks around me flipped out and grasped harder. Started dating a fucking angel.

1999: Scorpio Ascendant (Mars in 12th), Sun in 8th, Sun opposite Pluto
Fully separated from recent ex-but-best-friend against our will. Disgusted about it and lonely. Made the mistake of pseudo-dating an unstable idiot. School & home both fucking sucked. I felt like I had no future and would never not be poor.

2000: Capricorn Ascendant (Saturn in 4th), Sun in 5th conjunct Moon/Venus/Mars and opposite Pluto
Graduated on my birthday. Moved. That 5th house: lol I was invited to a drunken orgy. I went to my first concert. Got my first real taste of anti-LGB crap outside of older family members and religious weirdos. I started writing constantly. I started dating a fellow Gemini. Some early seeds that music was my ‘thing’ but I was in denial and didn’t have any role models.

2001: Gemini Ascendant (Mercury in 2nd), Sun in 1st conjunct Saturn/opposite Pluto
Decided it was time to take steps to make the future I wanted, which primarily included my relationship. As soon as I started making changes, relationship started dying. Fully distraught. Spent some time with my dad and did some minor suffer-traveling with him. Almost started school but I didn’t feel safe. Went hard on astrology.

2002: Leo Ascendant, Sun in 10th, Sun opposite Pluto/trine Neptune/still conjunct Saturn/square Moon
Depressed nearly all year. Felt like a failure of a human being. Couldn’t get anything done or sorted out and had almost no energy. Tried to start a business but it didn’t go anywhere. Tried school and it was like I couldn’t think straight and the school had full-of-shit vibes. Started dating someone and had 3-4 months of hope again.

2003: Libra Ascendant (Venus in 8th), Sun in 8th, Sun closing out a wide opposition with Pluto
Not feeling good. Lost. Aimless. Put all my stock into my relationship that felt like a shrinking box & didn’t understand how it could suck that much when it was good at first. So much arguing. We broke up before the end of my solar return year.

2004: Capricorn Ascendant (Saturn in 7th), Sun in 6th trine Neptune
Moved, cat died traumatically, grieving hard between that, breaking up with boyfriend, and feeling like I had no friends anymore. At some point it hit me I had all the freedom ever now. Sights remained small but what did I want for me now? Just before the year ended, I got a new cat who became my favorite person ever.

2005: Taurus Ascendant (Venus in 2nd), Sun in 2nd, Sun conjunct Mercury in 1st, Sun trine Jupiter/Neptune, Sun square Uranus
Stable work year, made the most money I’d ever made up to that point (which wasn’t much), ate well, and started looking beyond mere survival. How about a couple of concerts? Fixed a health issue and briefly dated someone new.

2006: Leo Ascendant, Sun in 11th, Sun square Uranus
Thinking a lot about music & how I could make it work. Uranus was transiting through my 6th house at this time and my work environment was unstable whether I made it that way (job experimenting) or not (terrible coworkers & shitty hours). The 11th house part showed up more in the abstract of music appreciation and realizing I needed friends who shared that with me now that I was well beyond radio music.

2007: Libra Ascendant (Venus in 10th), Sun in 9th opposite Jupiter
Hurt my hand while on a travel adventure and decided it was a sign I needed health insurance more than I needed to work one-handed for a boss who didn’t give a shit, so I quit and went back to school. Started music blog and finally met real people who liked cool music.

2008: Sagittarius Ascendant (Jupiter in 1st), Sun in 6th conjunct Venus
First full year in school. Going out, doing stuff, being annoyed by anyone or anything boxing me in or treating me like I belonged in any box ever. Music was The Thing I did now.

2009: Aries Ascendant (Mars in 1st conjunct Venus), Sun in 2nd, Sun square Saturn
WHICH ONE OF YOU FUCKS WANTS TO HEAR SOME MUSIC?! I got a music-related job and decided to tone my comically antisocial writing voice down for the sake of decorum and probably also logical sense. I probably should have just kept being weird because the folks who needed agreeable sound bites and ego appeasement at this time weren’t worth it.

2010: Cancer Ascendant (Moon in 8th), Sun in 11th
Focused on school and the new job where I was most struggling with the tender social aspects of it but otherwise having a great time doing what I loved doing & meeting fellow weirdos. Someone in my broad sphere had a mental health crisis at me because they didn’t like me talking about music as an independent, uncontrollable woman, and I spent a good while thinking about how my sphere was full of poison like this.

2011: Libra Ascendant (Venus in 8th), Sun in 9th, Sun trine Saturn [New Moon the day before my birthday]
In school. Bad health year that took over everything and completely changed my future goals. Reconnected with someone I thought I’d lost to the ether very close to a death in my family, albeit unrelated. This chart is oddly similar to my natal chart.

2012: Sagittarius Ascendant (Jupiter in 6th), Sun in 7th conjunct Venus/Mercury
In school. Terrible health year. Working with touring bands. New writing project launched. I was in a situationship all this year but my focus was health.

2013: Pisces Ascendant (Jupiter in 3rd), Sun in 3rd
In school. Some of my writing was recognized. Worked with touring bands all around this time, which involved a lot of often tedious paperwork/emails/communication, because Gemini gonna Gemini. Ironically I think this is when my situationship failed entirely on communication and I decided I was done.

2014: Cancer Ascendant (Moon in 2nd), Sun in 12th, Sun trine Mars, Sun beginning its square with Neptune
My final year of school. I started to feel better after a few rough years but was still struggling. Money was a thought but I was more considering my financial future in the abstract. I was nervous about tomorrow and had no clarity but I wasn’t worried about it like I was later.

2015: Virgo Ascendant (Mercury in 9th), Sun in 9th conjunct Mercury/Mars, Sun opposite Moon, Sun square Neptune
I had just finished school & promptly learned I needed to move but had extremely limited/no options. Soon after the absolute horrors of finally moving to an unfamiliar place, my mom’s health went haywire. While the moment was traumatically awful, I was still optimistic that she’d be better soon.

2016: Sagittarius Ascendant (Jupiter in 9th), Sun in 7th conjunct Venus, Sun exact square Neptune/square Jupiter/opposite Saturn (note: grand square)
Reality sets in that my mom was sicker than appearances and I had become her invisible support staff. I tried to work but it was one thing after another with her. Sag/9th house: I wanted to be anywhere except where I was and all but cried waiting for the train because I was skipping an important show to work a job where I had nothing in common with my classist, holier-than-thou coworkers who talked shit about bus/train people then having to return home to yet more mystery issues with mom.

2017: Pisces Ascendant (Jupiter in 7th), Sun in 3rd, Sun square Neptune/trine Jupiter
Soon after SR, mom was diagnosed and dropped off the edge. No sleep for me anymore. I did a lot of irritating paperwork and talked to a bunch of people so I could work and help her at the same time. My dad died and I continued feeling like I was trapped.

2018: Cancer Ascendant (Moon in 7th conjunct Pluto), Sun in 12th conjunct Mercury, Sun still square Neptune
A brief period of calm and trying to help her exist to the best of her abilities while I silently freaked out about her future death. Halfway into the year she started acting extra odd & emotional. Proceed being on the phone a lot more asking strangers for help.

2019: Virgo Ascendant (Mercury in 10th), Sun in 10th conjunct Midheaven, Sun still square Neptune
There is no Mom; Only Zuul. I work harder than I’ve ever worked in my life because her shit hit the fan and no systems meaningfully work when you’re poor and then suddenly there’s a pandemic. I’m technically some people’s boss for a while and have to fire someone because they can’t tell time or follow simple directions or otherwise be relied on for anything so I can work another job or leave the house without worrying about what’s on fire when I return.

2020: Scorpio Ascendant (Mars in 4th conjunct Neptune), Sun in 7th conjunct Venus, Sun square Mars
I give up. She gets permanently hospitalized. I’m left with decades of shit I don’t know what to do with and nowhere to go. I make the fun mistake of returning to an ex. I feel fucking terrible. Pandemic times delay the inevitable and make it so I can pay my bills regardless.

2021: Aquarius Ascendant (Saturn in 12th conjunct Ascendant), Sun in 4th conjunct Node, Sun square Moon in 1st
Ex thing ends for the same reasons as ever. I just exist feeling like trash always. Still inexplicably not homeless and enjoying rooms without tons of suffocating shit in them. I focus on a creative-adjacent project for a while.

2022: Gemini Ascendant (Mercury in 12th rx in Taurus), Sun in 12th
More of the same. Trying to be more zen about not knowing things and trying to trust the universe. Lots of anxiety.

2023: Virgo Ascendant (Mercury in 9th conjunct Uranus), Sun in 10th, Sun square Saturn
Mom dies. Impending homelessness lurks and suddenly I have a place to live at the last possible fucking minute, which meant moving someplace totally new to me in a place where the main people I interact with are ESL, reminding me of where I grew up. Evidently grief is narcissistic men bait.

2024: Scorpio Ascendant (Mars in 6th), Sun in 8th conjunct Venus, Sun square Saturn
Unwanted ends of a relationship & a business right after the SR. Later decide to stop talking to selfish people then quit negative places. Finally have the space to fully grieve & it fucking sucks. I handle some overdue health things and spend most of the year struggling with hot flashes.

******

2025: Capricorn Ascendant (Saturn in 2nd conjunct Neptune), Sun in 4th conjunct Mercury in 5th
Well. I can assume the year’s larger focus will be on my stuff/income and home environment, especially as much as it relates to creative/artistic/expressive topics. I’m finally settled here, boxes 95% unpacked and most stuff put away, but I need to get rid of or use some things that belonged to my mom so my space is more usable. I started a related art project a few weeks ago that’s taking time, so maybe I can continue that theme, but I’m not sure it’s worth it when I need income and might be able to sell some of this. I’d rather just have a job that caters to the fact that my body/brain sucks and destroy or donate what’s there that I don’t want. Looking at previous Capricorn years: wtf, am I going to move? Seems unintuitive but wouldn’t that be astrologically cute.

2026: Gemini Ascendant (Mercury in 1st), Sun in 12th
Guessing 2026 will be largely calm based on previous 12th house Sun years, which would be lovely after recent times.

2027: Leo Ascendant, Sun in 10th conjunct Uranus and beginning trine with Pluto
Do I start dating someone new (based on previous Leo-10th years)? Or is it more of a year where I’m grappling with issues of independence?

2028: Scorpio Ascendant (Mars in 7th), Sun in 8th conjunct Uranus/Venus/Mercury
Jesus christ, I should travel on my birthday that year. The Ascendant is only 1 1/2 degrees into Scorpio here but Libra is out because Venus would also fall in the 8th, so maybe I go 30+ degrees east. It would have to be east of Chicago to get a Sagittarius Ascendant. New York City has a Sagittarius Ascendant, Jupiter in 9th, Sun in 7th. Maybe I try to travel to the east coast for my birthday to avoid whatever nonsense this year involves. Who knows what idiotic state the borders will be in by then. Uranus transiting my natal 9th house conjunct my Sun seems fair for travel, if unpredictable or sudden. These Scorpio Ascendant years have all been trash and I don’t need another one, especially so soon after this one, but who knows if I’ll have the funds by 2028 to recreationally do anything.

And continuing to assume I don’t move, at least not far from here:
2029: Capricorn Ascendant (Saturn in 4th conjunct Mercury), Sun in 5th conjunct Uranus
2030: Taurus Ascendant (Venus in 12th), Sun in 1st conjunct Mars/Uranus [New Moon]
2031: Leo Ascendant, Sun in 11th conjunct Saturn
2032: Libra Ascendant (Venus in 8th), Sun in 8th conjunct Venus – I should travel this year, too.

music & the fleeting nature of friendship

May 7, 2025 escapatoria

I originally wrote this in 300-character blocks. I’ve changed some word choices and expanded on some thoughts for clarity but otherwise wanted to repost this here.

I was reminded what month it was and how I have a few big 20-year anniversaries around this time.

One was that I started scrobbling the music I played. I haven’t been consistent with that in a while, but I had some pretty reliable listening habits and got some good data those first few years.

The first songs I scrobbled:

Le Tigre – Yr Critique (I totally did that on purpose, didn’t I…)
Pink Floyd – Sheep
Fu Manchu – Neptune’s Convoy
Marilyn Manson – Dope Hat
Sheavy – Month of Sundays
Le Tigre – Deceptacon
Tool – Crawl Away (demo)
The Dresden Dolls – Gravity
and then 15 Kyuss songs

I was crazy about Kyuss at that time. Several things contributed but my frustration of having initially heard them after they parted ways led to me being more proactive and intentionally seeking out new music on my own. I was backtracking & history-checking a lot in 2005 but new music was nigh.

I was writing often at the time. The week I signed up for an account I was talking a lot about my new kitten. It also happened to be timed with an event I worked outside in the heat, and in the post I quoted “Spine of God”: “and fry like a pig in the heart of the sun”. Yep, that sounds like 20-something me.

This combination of stoner rock nerdities (both scrobbling and writing about music) led to me meeting a musician whose music I already knew close to that same time. Retrospectively, it was early social practice and a reminder not to meet one’s heroes (though they weren’t anything to me) if you want music to remain fantastical & unbroken by human stupidity.

Alas, the nature of what I wanted with my time meant having to separate human beings from their art and see these things as unrelated entities. On the other side of things, I don’t know if that was the right move, but for a while intellectual separation helped with keeping my eye on the ball.

At this point, I’m no longer listening to one of those bands because of how they seemed as an actual human being, after I realized it was not simply dark “art” or a schtick. Several others went into “should I be listening to this anymore” territory. Now I’m more mindful of who I promote under what circumstances.

But in 2005 I was just picking through what I could to learn what worked for me and hanging out with my new, weirdo cat.

That said, it’s pretty sad to look back and realize none of the people I knew at that time came with me on my journey even though I made it easy to do so. Something-something “Johnny Blade” quote.

…

Fuck it, I’ll keep typing. Later that year I went to a concert alone. One person who was unnerved by the idea of a woman doing anything alone reported on my solitude to a friend, who then told me they would have gone with me. I called their bluff by inviting them to see a show later. They made excuses. Of course they did; everything had to be on their terms.

I tried again with the same person later with pre-approved music and found they kept bringing the energy of things down or trying to force me into shit I didn’t want. Since they had turned their nose entirely on heavy rock, and that’s where I was at, I decided that was that, then. Guess I was on my own if I wanted to see live music.

Then I had a brief “boyfriend” who didn’t know Nirvana. wtf. How are we supposed to talk to each other? (Not that there was much talking.) I didn’t even know that band was a marker of pop culture awareness for me until that second. Just, how? How do we live in the same universe? Nevermind indeed.

Then it was a guy whose musical interests overlapped my own. We soon got into an argument because he made an arrogant, probably-narcissistic statement I thought sucked, followed by him discounting every musical thing I said after that. His heavy interests also ended at top-list bands, where I kept digging, which was evidently a problem for both of us.

Then an old friend showed up and ruined my day by referring to music I was actively listening to (metal) with broad strokes about aggressive masculinity… I was listening to stoner/doom. Electric Wizard lyrics aside, what aggression?! Also I’m a lady, so what the hell. Nevermind this dumbass shit, too.

And more people here and there for about two years until I hit point Fuck This Shit and quit talking to those who didn’t even bother to try to meet me where I was, musically or otherwise.

Started a song blog, unofficially met my future music colleagues about five months later, and I could breathe for a while.

…

Typing this whole thing reminds me of the zeitgeist-related fragility of most relationships. Maybe it’s best to persistently look forward, especially in situations where people don’t hold space for shared growth & connection. Alas, I’m a sucker for hope and keep getting stuck on incurious people who don’t “yes, and?” with me.

Right as I posted this Big Biz’s “The Drift” shuffled on. “You take the east and I’ll take the west – if we meet up in the middle then we know.” Yes, exactly. Winamp Oracle has spoken. (Note: I think the song might be about people who are fake/all talk, but, close enough. Still applies.)

Anyway, I miss my weirdo cat. He didn’t really have a choice in the matter but it was nice to have some consistency regardless of my social disappointments during the 15 years he was alive.

Riven & Exile

April 18, 2025April 19, 2025 escapatoria

Upon finishing the updated Myst remake (now with Rime!), I decided it was time to restart and finish the 2024 Riven remake.

I had tried to play the new Riven last year but didn’t finish it. The heat of the summer mixed with the heat of my laptop and my motion sickness issues all combined into a physical clusterfuck. I got stuck, didn’t know where to go or what I might have missed, and I could not endure feeling that shitty while trying to concentrate on where might this mystery thing might be. I decided to come back later, when it was cold.

I, instead, serendipitously heard about the Myst remake first, and my curiosity about Rime was primary. Finishing the game, though, I was pushed to then finally finish the Riven remake.

Most of my excitement about the new Riven took place last year. It’s been my all-time favorite game since the start. I quite fondly remember playing it on my first PC in the summer of 1998, in part with my nephew. I tried my best then but ultimately ended up having to use a walkthrough to be able to see how the game ends – the marble puzzle (the thing at the top of the big golden dome) got me. I understood the basic logic after some thought but still could not figure out which color went exactly where. Being able to see the game interpreted with new, updated graphics alone was an easy excuse to replay it. In fact, I had replayed the original version in the previous couple of years. I had no idea they had changed and added puzzles, too, which would make for a different experience. Just the new graphics alone, having bought but not fully played the new Myst remake before this year, was worth it for me.

I had not expected, going into the new Riven, the depth of the game that wasn’t present in the original. I hesitate to say exactly what I mean in the slim chance someone is reading these words who likes the Myst universe but hasn’t yet managed the Riven remake or never played any Riven at all. I’ve hinted at it in the last year, but the thing that wowed me was how the original marble puzzle had been altered so the logic was clarified, including tying in how the island world of Riven is unstable so the tail end of the game doesn’t feel so empty or borderline non-sequitur. If you’ve played Riven a bunch of times, you remember the discussion of the world, but on first play, it’s like… what? Why?? In the remake, it’s a lot more obvious.

Replaying the remake this year, I noticed the island’s attempts to keep its instability at bay again, this time with fresh eyes: holy shit, the domes are points of instability!!! The structure used to quarantine a stray unwanted view into space mirrors the structures that the domes sit on. Was this visual necessary to play the game? Nope. But boy did it remind me of the depth of story-telling in a game like Skyrim, where you can randomly come across an old, broken ship in the ocean with dead floating rats nearby, all just because it can exist and therefore does. But the visual – the rats or the break in space-time – takes a dry, 2D experience and makes it a full one.

But good god, those domes. I wanted to live in there. That was so fucking cool. That hit every sci-fi nerdity I have about this damn franchise going back to day one. What a beautiful surprise. I could have cried. I remember 12 year old me getting derailed playing Myst, sitting in the digital observatory just looking at random stars, daydreaming of how wonderful that would be in real life. 15 year old me reading Ti’ana, reading about all these wonderful books and potential worlds once kept safe in D’ni, sealed the deal. You’re telling me 42 year old me is going to THAT fucking space?! YOU BETTER SIGN ME UP FOR THAT RIGHT NOW. Loved it. More please. I probably can’t do another 30 years wait for the nature of human existence but I’ll take a well-funded theme park sooner… or you could let me just fuck around breaking shit at a real observatory, that’d be cool.

The depth also traveled the way of the Wahrk, which I have misspelled as Whark most of my life. His (her?) debut showed up at an unexpected location, but showed up all the same, and of course I had a fine time pestering towards unnecessary results. Color me surprised when the Wahrk punk’d me later. I could have jumped out of my skin and tip-toe ran off punctuated with an “eeee!” for the actual worry I had that I was about to lose a foot. I am also unable to play Skyrim add-on worlds because of the god damn jumping spiders. Fuck no. Is that a cave? No thanks, I’m out, not worth it. “I SEE YOU, DOME BITCH!” My toes! No wonder the Moiety would scare their kids with this monster.

wahrk criticizes cheap christmas light display

The puzzles: Well, they’re different. Some are just a matter of slightly different gameplay due to the updated graphics and intent for VR play. But there are new puzzles, and new ways to solve things, and new places (omfg the fire marble cave), and it collectively lands on quite a different puzzle experience versus the original Riven. In a sense, I found the remake easier because I was able to arrive at conclusions sooner, but someone unfamiliar with the franchise would probably struggle for a while before key things clicked just the same as a new player to any of these Myst games.

That said, even for the different way of going about the marble puzzle, it was still a challenge. I was standing there a good while and had to come back later to make sure I didn’t fuck up some logic somewhere. I literally left that part of that game to go look in-game to make sure the notes I’d taken weren’t fucked up or missing something. My notes went awry a couple of times, especially on the slider puzzle, and my instinct of what to do was sooner correct, so, even though I still needed the notes, ugh. That’s what I get for trying to interpret what I saw before I found how it linked up with what I needed to do.

Gehn being a dick was, also, more obvious. That added touch of the burned book…

…and seeing Ti’ana and Aitrus. Surprise, we tied in the books! Neither were as I imagined in my head, fueled by the visual of Rand Miller before I ever read a single book.

On my second play, too, I was surprised to notice the security cameras around the island can and do follow you around, particularly the one at the daytime Moiety village where everyone’s hiding out from the crazy button-pushing stranger. Similarly, going inside the egg-tree village thing (the thing on the cover of Riven)? Fucking neato! A gothy dream come true. Bunch of silent weirdos just chilling in there, it seems.

Overall, while very similar to the original, the remake landed on a different, welcome experience. The graphics were lovely, the new puzzles were interesting without being tedious, the reworked marble puzzle made it actually possible for me to finish the game this century, and omfg space place yes pls. Where do I sign up for the marble mines?

I finished Riven and was just like, well, that was very cool and good, but I have still not finished either Obduction or Firmament. With all these pretty 2020s graphics, maybe I should?

The reason I did not finish Obduction was because I couldn’t get my motion sickness under control. I got pretty far in, got lost, realized I’d have to walk back a while – a key issue in setting off the sick – and just couldn’t do it. I kept thinking maybe there’d be a time when I felt better or could endure spurts of 10-15 minutes of game and 1-2 hour nausea breaks… but, ugh.

I tried. I loaded up a fresh Obduction game. I immediately felt sick, quit. I came back. I got through a puzzle, felt sick, quit. Then I had to walk a while… and nope, stop, can’t do this today.

The logic here would have been to play Myst, Riven (Myst 2), and then Myst III: Exile… and I own Exile, soooo…. Let’s do that instead. It, like the original Myst and Riven, is based in point-and-click even if they did add near-360 views for Exile, and it takes more particular circumstances to set off my motion sickness versus how quickly modern games do.

So.

I played Exile for the first and previously only completed time in very late 2003/very early 2004. I had bought a new computer tower on sale on boxing day and my first order of business was Exile.

That year I was with a guy who was, in a word, insecure, who had had a series of odd statements and emotional meltdowns because he didn’t like that he couldn’t easily control or manipulate me (or any woman). My empathy for and understanding of his situation had grown thin. A few weeks before christmas, he had another “moment” and I told him I was over this persistent accusation of cheating when I was doing no such thing and barely so much as spoke – online or off – to anyone but him. He was my world, my eggs were fully in this basket, and yet he was constantly moping and making shit up about it because I didn’t perfectly read his mind at every step. How’s about a therapist? Retrospectively, he was uptight, and even for my depression and lack of certainty about anything, I still needed for a creative variety he never had and didn’t meaningfully support (as far as it applied to me) for clinging so hard to typical middle class “supposed to” and “what will the neighbors/other men/my parents/god think” ideas. Eventually we likely would have broken up. But it didn’t have to be like that, treating me like I was his personal devil. He spent December pissed off at me for telling him pointedly that I wouldn’t put up with this any longer. There was a brief period of quiet during the time I played Exile, overlapping into January, at which point The Real Fighting began. I no longer remember anything about it beyond themes of him being angry he couldn’t control me and a sudden switch point when intense anger turned into intense love before floating off into the ether of nope, nevermind, love is not enough, when we finally broke up in April after he shut down because I mildly disagreed with him. I swear Pink Floyd has a song about this. Unfortunately, 20 years later, I still find men my age, on whole, to be pouty children who don’t know the first thing about communication if the vaguest hint of an emotion might be involved.

In short, when I was playing Exile for the first time, there was a bit of tension in the air. That I don’t have strong memories of playing it – beyond that I played it – seems quite fitting. I was running on a good moment (yay Myst! yay new computer!) but the background noise overwrote any fond memories I might have been able to hold on to otherwise.

I don’t remember when, but I did try to play Exile a second time. I ended up lost, turned around in a jungle tree, feeling motion sick, and I guess I just didn’t want to bother with it any further.

This time, with my motion sickness issues at play, I decided that I wouldn’t make this experience too difficult for myself. If I hit a snag, I would use a walkthrough. I’ve played and beaten Exile before, so, no big deal. Just make it a smooth, fun, light experience and get that ex noise out of the forefront of my memory of playing this thing.

As it seems 24 year old games don’t play on modern computers, I ended up using my own physical discs loaded through ScummVM, and I had no issues getting it to play, save, or load (though I had to learn the hard way that my independent install was no good and I had to use the data files instead). My computer also really appreciated not having to heat up to play this.

I remembered the beginning of the game just fine. You arrive to a story of a task to go do – as with all these games – and in your wandering you meet the game’s villain who sends you on a wild goose chase. I didn’t specifically remember how to play the first major puzzle of how to make certain things function so you can visit another book world, but I had a sense of it and was able to fairly quickly figure out how to get to Voltaic (book one for me). Edanna and Amateria took a bit more thought and forcing myself to remember to look around and not just directly ahead, but those similarly came together without a ton of struggle.

Right away, the graphics struck me as old, lacking in clarity, and low-res. In 2001 (when this game was released) 800×600 resolution was the standard, everyday norm for computer screens. Checking my screenshots, it appears that the upper resolution of the game is around 1280×720. My current screen is 1920×1080… So, of course, that’s going to look grainy at full display and weirdly small at its natural size. My computer monitor in 2004 was made (or sold to me, anyway) in 1998, so, safe to say, I didn’t notice the resolution problem back-when. I don’t believe I would have thought the graphics were state-of-the-art then, but I probably wasn’t put off beyond being annoyed that it was hard to tell where certain things were.

In time, I forgot about the graphics unless I was specifically taking a screenshot, leaving me feeling like nothing I took would ever do the experience of the game justice. The sound and atmosphere of this game is, even for today’s standards, worth the price of admission. Arriving on Voltaic and conquering its larger puzzle still had a wow factor. Like, wow, imagine if that really existed. Wow, imagine actually going to a place like this. Wow, how the fuck did they squeeze these huge machines into that tiny book screen – or, wow, were these machines written into this world? Wow. Very cool. I like.

I didn’t want to go to Edanna next because I can still remember being stuck in the tree, but it was next.

And what do you know, it wasn’t long before I was turned around, frustrated, uncertain, feeling sick, stuck in the fucking jungle-ass tree. Is it even a tree? It feels like a big tree, even if it isn’t.

I tell ya, though, the aesthetics of Edanna are something else. I knew I found mushrooms and borderline sentient plants compelling before 2004 as kid me loved me some FernGully, but I can’t help but wonder if me digitally crawling through a bioluminescent mushroom-peppered log reinforced a later need to put giant mushrooms on my living room walls years out. Alas, those mushrooms were specifically from Blackreach in Skyrim. It seems my interests are consistent, at least. Mushrooms! Space! Books! The same video game franchises for decades! Horror movies! Buying unnecessary scented candles at the grocery store! When’s the last time I bought a new band shirt!

Anyway, I ended up needed pointed in the right direction because I could not figure out the sunlit flowers. I was SO close but had failed to notice something retrospectively obvious. At least I didn’t completely just quit the game like last time. After that it was all only once-traveled territory, and I totally forgot about the lotus but, at the same time, it felt like I’d entered some old dream I’d had once.

All I remembered about Amateria is that there was a point where I would be making a ball smash into a million pieces, leading to 21 year old me laughing and pulling the lever just to hear the sound, over and over. I remember telling my boyfriend about it because of how amused I was. Big surprise that a couple of years later I would fill with absolute glee anytime a piece of glass cracked at the kitchen I worked so I could throw it hard into the broken glass bucket with that amazing, terrible, jarring sound. Why this, of all things? We may never know.

What I didn’t remember is how to solve a single fucking thing in this world. I understood the basic logic quickly, but, uhhhh… how? The first puzzle, okay, fine (teehee, the noise). The sound puzzle, well, I don’t know what the fuck crack anyone here was smoking but fuck you. I was burnt out by the third. Just give me the answer, let me be done… Alas, there was a fourth. Great, cool, I’m a pinball now. Roller coaster ride! And I’m fucking sick again. I appreciate the ride, I appreciate the subtle call-back to Riven’s marble puzzle, but god damn that was tedious. Why’s everything gotta be broke? Stupid jerk leaving his damn papers everywhere… Pick up your shit.

I rather enjoyed meeting Exile’s villain in the digital flesh. I mentally wandered, thinking about this actor playing to a green screen so convincingly, followed by a fallout of thinking about how in this game he’s just older than I am now. But the final puzzle, good god, what the fuck? Does anyone ever look at these puzzles for the first time and just know what to do, because even having a sense of the thing I still get tripped up. I had a near-flashback of poking the wires 21 years ago. I must have been staring at them a while. This time, though, I wasn’t feeling up to a multi-day experience of staring at the same screen wondering how I’m somehow still fucking this up, and referred to my walkthrough. Solving that eventually led to a multi-dimensional universe of potential conclusions, and I saved just in time to witness them all before leaving at the final, kindest choice. Bye, Wormtongue!

As an aside, is Atrus just oblivious or what? How does he end up in these situations, with these people?

Finishing Exile, it seems next on track is Myst IV: Revelation, which I also own a hard copy of. My memories of this game are centered on the aggravating horrors of the light soul puzzle. Fuck that thing. It’s harder than the marble puzzle for sure, and I don’t wanna. I also remember the graphics are different and motion sickness issues were a problem for me when I played it, so, I believe I may need to take a break before I get around to it. Maybe watch a TV season or some movies or write or whatever, just to give myself a moment free of head pain paranoia.

In the meantime, it sure is nice to play these games and toy around with the ideas of this franchise and universe. Quite a reminder of why I enjoyed and continue to enjoy it so much. It’ll be interesting to get through Revelation and, perhaps, maybe finally play Uru and End of Ages… and, of course, Obduction and Firmament. Hope there’s mushrooms and space whales. I already know there’s going to be some really big, out of place trees. What’s a Mysty game without a giant alien tree?